Day 57

Feeling: oh so tired, pissed off in general, sore calves and glutes, endlessly hungry
Tasting: ice cream sandwich (Digestive biscuits, dairy-free vanilla ice cream, gooseberry jam), sips of macchiato alternated with cacao balls
Smelling: something smoky near the hospital
Seeing: the barista’s smile when she told me they had my laptop, my hair flopping over my forehead in a more flattering way than it used to, the sun rise
Hearing: Arctic Monkeys’ Acoustic 15, a lecture hall go silent after the fan stopped, the sounds of CAVE

Today was kinda odd. It started off feeling hecka productive, and then disintegrated. I got to a fitness class, had a cuppa in the gym café (which I will review for ye). Had a nice solid hour of uninterrupted piano practice, and went straight to my drama class, which was in the music building. We had a guest speaker who taught us about Cork Audio-Visual Ensemble, which is a performance group for electronic audio-video performances. It looks dope. As. F.

On the way back I thought I’d stop by my jazz teacher’s shop and get that thread he said he could give me, but found that his shop had closed half an hour ago. He hadn’t posted his hours before, and they were now seemingly a lot more limited and irregular.

I was ravenous, and starting to feel a little on edge. But when my tofu cabbage noodles and pickled pear slices didn’t soften the mood, and salsa with blue corn chips didn’t either, it became a little concerning. I figured I should kick back in bed with some cooking videos to take the edge off and look over some lecture slides before my exam, and then I saw that my laptop was neither in my backpack or on my desk.

I had a bit of a panic. I knew it was almost certainly in the gym café, but I just Didn’t Want To get out and get it. But I did, and they had it, thank goodness. I finished my exam in half an hour (having fifty minutes to complete it) and was the first one out, which made me a little concerned that I forgot something important.

I wanted to back to my room, but Sara needed someone to accompany her shopping for an electric blanket since her apartment heat wasn’t being that good. So I waited for her at the co-op, where I munched on some takeaway salad.

I know, maybe you could be thinking, “IJ, why are you so angry today? Are you mad at me?” The answers to those are that it’s just that kind of mood today–probably because of sleep debt, and no. But you could also be thinking, why are you writing about your emotions here?! And I say to that, I feel that I should be a little more casually honest and open about my emotions and mental illness. I have my first therapy appointment since arriving in Ireland tomorrow,

Last night I thought I might back go to the jazz club tonight, but tonight is for doing nothing and going to bed early.

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