Sweet Review #9: Cadbury Dairy Milk

Warning: the above video is not for those who are prone to motion sickness or get annoyed by noise. It’s not necessary to watch. I actually ask you not to watch it. For your own sanity. Save yourselves.

I’m very prudent with how I spend my money. For example, when my friend’s Halloween party was awarding points based on the Hogwarts house system, I realized that I could do a grand Sweet Review on Halloween and help out my pals by doing a review of all the Cadbury Dairy Milks at the party. That way, my ten euros not only led me to consume lots of sugar (and on a day where I wasn’t even craving it), but bringing food to share earned arbitrary points for Ravenclaw.

Getting a little bored in the middle of the day at this Halloween party, I popped over to Centra to come back with every mini Dairy Milk flavor (except original) in my hands. My friend Laura and I were in it to figure out our favorite. See, this is another great use of money– knowing what you like so you don’t waste money on something you don’t.

Here was our final ranking:

  1. Fruit & Nut (#2 for Laura). I didn’t expect my Adult Taste to jive well with a milk chocolate that frankly isn’t the highest quality, but it turns out that tart raisins and cranberries are a universal partner for chocolate. And roast almonds really never hurt.
  2. Golden Crisp (#1 for Laura). These ambiguous yellow crunchy bits seem to be some kind of Irish thing I don’t understand (there are a lot of those in this stack). Like I keep seeing cafés serve “honeycomb” hot chocolate and mochas, which don’t indeed contain any bee products but are a kind of sponge toffee. Even “sponge toffee” sounds unbearably British Isles, because where else would you name your sweets after cleaning supplies? But this was very satisfying and had an interesting caramel flavor; I just didn’t like that the crunchy bits were small. Probably a good thing that they weren’t since they’d get even more caked in your molars.
  3. Caramello– I thought from the name this would be a portmanteau of marshmallow and caramel, giving us an over-the-top liquid filling, but it was just a British way of saying “caramel.” Not too disappointed though. It’s pretty standard caramel, but I like how it flows and isn’t a sticky paste that may be substituted for denture glue.
  4. Mint Crisp. I always forget how much I like mint and chocolate together, and adding a crispy texture is a good choice. It was reminiscent of Thin Mints except not as biscuity and God do I miss Girl Scout cookies and America. The only thing that I didn’t like is that it tasted a bit too “warm”– mint should have a cooling sensation. I think this probably has to do with the fact that it  was milk chocolate, which has a lower specific heat capacity than dark.
  5. Marvelous Creations. Basically chocolate covering chocolate-covered candy and some weird chewy bits and some crackly bits. It’s an interesting chew, and doesn’t taste like much except for sweet, but I appreciate the absurdity.
  6. Turkish. I don’t know if you’ve ever had Turkish delight, but it’s actually abysmally disappointing despite what The Chronicles of Narnia might have had you believe as a kid, speaking from personal experience. That’s because Narnia is British af and the Brits taste in sweets (and many other things) seems to be centered around cleaning supplies. But “Turkish,” with no “Delight” at the end, seems to only be inspired by the thing that Lewis wrote of. It’s the same sanitation spray-pink color, but is more liquid, like Caramello, and tastes vaguely like Parma Violets. Not worth inserting into milk chocolate.
  7. Tiffin. All I know about the word “tiffin” is that it’s an Indian lunch container made of several boxes, and it is indeed very British to take the name of something from a country you colonized. This was a weird mix of raisins and bigger chunks of that Golden Crisp stuff. Combination of getting candy caked on your molars, and raisins stuck between your incisors, so your dentist has a whole range of teeth to fill.

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